Being My Own Boss // Monday Musings

Working at home every day is a strange reality for me. I love it, and I am learning every day how to be better at it - how to focus on what I'm doing, give it my all, and then turn it off again when the day is done. Having my evenings to spend with others, my husband, or just doing nothing is a gift I still can't believe I have.

Being my own boss is a whole different story. Of course I have always made the decisions when it came to my photography business, but before the last month I haven't had the opportunity to make big daily choices about how to spend my time, what's worth my attention, and what things I need to leave behind. 

I've come to realize that if I had a boss who was as hard on me as I am on myself, I probably would have quit my job a long time ago. I hate taking breaks - even if I know they're necessary - and have worked through lunch almost every single day. I put myself on a timer, so if I'm not working every second, a ticking clock reminds me that there is always.more.to.do. If I don't work the amount of hours I've set out to in my head, I'll quietly sit down in the evenings and clock in more time. And breaks? They just don't happen. I feel bad about every 3-minute phone call I make when I'm supposed to be working.

I suspected this would be the case, because I'm so used to the hustle of working in the early mornings and late evenings around a full time job. Now that I don't have to do this anymore, though, my goal is to be a better boss to myself. Taking a breather - or even a full lunch break - is not only ok, it's better for me in the long run. And I'll just keep telling myself that daily until I believe it enough to act on it :)

In reality, we are all our own bosses. Sure, there might be someone who can give you assignments at work, someone who has the ability to hire you or let you go, someone who can make each day great or terrible depending on your interactions with them. But ultimately, we decide the work we do. We choose in the in-between moments if we will hustle and get done what we need to or if we will take as long as we can to get our projects done. We choose whether or not we put our heart into our work. We decide daily to make the most of each opportunity, or to let it pass by.

No matter where you work, or who you work for, make sure you are giving your all so that if the day ever comes when you are truly your own boss, you'll know exactly what to do with it.

Happy Monday, friends!

I'm Afraid // Personal

As a small business owner, and as a person in general, I want to always look like I’m on top of everything. I want to show off my best work, let you see the best side of me, and make believe that I am fearless – that somehow, by owning a business, I’ve moved past what used to hold me back.

So often, the exact opposite is true. Owning a photography business has not made me fearless. Sometimes I have to act like I have no fears, but deep down (in reality, sometimes I don’t even have to reach too deep) I’m afraid of so many things. Part of the reason I never dreamed I would get to make the leap from a full time job into photography is because I was afraid.

But now I have to face my fears. I wrote about my recent job change a couple weeks ago, but the fears are still real. I’m letting myself be vulnerable today. Silly or not, here are some things I’m afraid of.

• I’m afraid of being at home and snacking all day...especially if there's chocolate in the house. Not even kidding. When I was behind a desk all day, I ate what I brought for lunch and I was done. Now there is food next to me, 24/7. The temptation is real!
• I’m afraid of overworking. Afraid of feeling like I have to punch a clock just to validate myself – that if I don’t work X amount of hours, that I haven’t worked hard enough.
• I’m afraid of not working hard enough. I’m afraid that yoga pants and no makeup will let me become lazy, and more than anything, I don’t want that to happen.
• I’m afraid of being boring. I’m scared that if I’m home all day, I’ll have nothing to write about. I’m afraid my creativity will just…end.
• Most of all, I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid that this whole thing will come crashing down on my head, and I’ll be left in the rubble. I’m terrified of this, and it’s what pushes me to work hard, be better, and keep at it no matter what.

I’m afraid of so many things, and each day I have to make the conscious decision to push past this and still keep working. So here I am, fears and all, ready to face the rest of today, no matter how afraid I am.

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Stop Saying Sorry // Monday Musings

Hey, you. You, who is sitting behind your computer or with your phone. You, who have a million commitments and things to do. You, who feels indebted to people in a way that brings you guilt, that makes you feel the need to apologize for everything you do. You, who needs to justify sitting down for a minute and taking a break, or spending an evening doing nothing.

I want you to stop apologizing. Stop saying sorry. Let’s make an agreement, to stop apologizing for a few things:

• Stop apologizing for not getting one or two things done. Stop feeling like the world will end if you don’t get to this place exactly at this time. Stop stressing out if your whole to-do list doesn’t get checked off. It’ll get done. And whatever doesn’t get done…well, that can wait.
• Stop saying sorry for saying no. You have a lot on your plate. We all do. We should celebrate when we have the courage to say no to another commitment, instead of feeling guilty over it.
• Stop apologizing for celebrating your successes. You can. WE can. It’s not bragging to recognize little victories. It’s acknowledging that, as many mistakes we make, there are a few glorious moments each day, each week, or each month, when we feel like we finally GOT IT RIGHT.
• Stop saying sorry when you need a break. When you’ve had it up to HERE, and you just need to sit down – and then you feel like you shouldn’t have gotten so overwhelmed, and you should have just kept going, and you apologize to yourself or your friends or your spouse. We all need a break. It takes strength to recognize our own limits, and it takes courage to stop when we’ve reached them.

Let’s just stop. Let’s stop apologizing for not being everything to everybody. For being human. I challenge you – stop apologizing for living your life each day and doing the best you can, even when it gets so hard. The world will be a better place for it.

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