As a small business owner, and as a person in general, I want to always look like I’m on top of everything. I want to show off my best work, let you see the best side of me, and make believe that I am fearless – that somehow, by owning a business, I’ve moved past what used to hold me back.
So often, the exact opposite is true. Owning a photography business has not made me fearless. Sometimes I have to act like I have no fears, but deep down (in reality, sometimes I don’t even have to reach too deep) I’m afraid of so many things. Part of the reason I never dreamed I would get to make the leap from a full time job into photography is because I was afraid.
But now I have to face my fears. I wrote about my recent job change a couple weeks ago, but the fears are still real. I’m letting myself be vulnerable today. Silly or not, here are some things I’m afraid of.
- I’m afraid of being at home and snacking all day...especially if there's chocolate in the house. Not even kidding. When I was behind a desk all day, I ate what I brought for lunch and I was done. Now there is food next to me, 24/7. The temptation is real!
- I’m afraid of overworking. Afraid of feeling like I have to punch a clock just to validate myself – that if I don’t work X amount of hours, that I haven’t worked hard enough.
- I’m afraid of not working hard enough. I’m afraid that yoga pants and no makeup will let me become lazy, and more than anything, I don’t want that to happen.
- I’m afraid of being boring. I’m scared that if I’m home all day, I’ll have nothing to write about. I’m afraid my creativity will just…end.
- Most of all, I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid that this whole thing will come crashing down on my head, and I’ll be left in the rubble. I’m terrified of this, and it’s what pushes me to work hard, be better, and keep at it no matter what.
I’m afraid of so many things, and each day I have to make the conscious decision to push past this and still keep working. So here I am, fears and all, ready to face the rest of today, no matter how afraid I am.
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