Dear Little One,
The last few weeks have been strangely hard for me. I've watched countless couples - almost one every day! - announce that they are expecting a child. I am so excited for them, but my heart has begun to ache for you as well.
Let me be clear: I am not missing out on a thing. Not for one second do I wish you were coming to us in a different way. We have chosen to grow our family through adoption, and we know that each day brings us closer to meeting OUR little one, one day nearer to holding you in our arms. You are our child, the same way I am my parents' child, and the same way all these new babies belong to their moms and dads.
No, my heart aches because I can't yet see you to celebrate you. I can't watch you grow. I can't see your little eyes forming, or let a doctor measure how quickly your heart beats each minute. In fact, I can't even be sure that you are more than a thought in God's heart yet - you may not have even begun your life as we know it.
I wish I could know you from the very beginning. I wish I could marvel over pictures of you when you're only the size of a peach. I wish I could be there at the moment we find out if you're a girl or a boy.
And yet, you still belong to us. When you are finally here, I get to be there for every important moment, and for all the growing up you have to do as a child, adolescent, and adult. The first time you sit up, your first step, your first word. I get to teach you how to eat real food, how to clap your hands to a song. I get to teach you about who God is.
So maybe it is hard right now to know that you may be growing and I don't get to see you until you're done. But the beauty of all this is that I get to be there for every big moment that you will remember. Though I'll start a few months later than most, I still get to be your mom for the rest of your life. And that's more than worth the wait. I love you.
Your (Future) Mommy