When Maria asked if I’d contribute to this awesome new series she’s putting together I thought, I’ve only been married eight years. What could I possibly have to contribute to someone who is about to walk down the aisle? Sure, hubby and I have had our fair share of fights and disagreements. And what “they” say is true; you’ll have more fights about money and sex than you will about anything else. However, I don’t want to talk about money or sex (that’s for a licensed professional), what I want to tell you sweet ladies is about privacy.
When I got married eight years ago, the world of social media was still in its relative infancy. My first Facebook post didn’t happen until I’d been married a little over a year. As I’ve become better connected, I’ve noticed what I’ll cautiously call a trend. Young women, with a boyfriend/fiancé/husband, feel the freedom to do one of two things that make me sad for the future of their relationship. They either feel the freedom to air all manner of dirty laundry or they love to flaunt their imaginary boyfriend.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs got it right when he said that respect is the one thing men need to feel valued in a relationship. If your Facebook posts or Tweets resemble these statements:
“Men are so stupid.”
“I wish he would just get a clue.”
“Why can he NOT figure me out?!”
Then respect is the furthest thing from your mind. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. But posting them to any social media platform will only be kicking your man when he’s likely already down. Very, very early on I learned that any fight or disagreement between a husband and wife (or fiancées) is best left between them. When you call your mom, dad, sister, best friend, office mate, and post it online it will only exacerbate the situation. The sooner you learn to solve the issue with just the two of you, the quicker that every other disagreement will be solved.
So you’re thinking, we really don’t fight much. Or maybe you’d never post anything about an argument online. But what about that celebrity that you call your “boyfriend”? You know, the one who dominates your Twitter feed? The same guy who manages to show up as your Facebook profile picture every few months? Maybe he’s an actor in your favorite TV show or a well-built athlete. Now put yourself in your guy’s shoes. How would you feel if the woman who was on the latest cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition suddenly became his profile picture? Or if he was Tweeting every other day about the actress in the movie you just saw?
Sure, you can delete a post. You can take down a picture. But once it’s out there, someone has seen it. The instant you click “post”, the respect is gone and the work required to rebuild the trust between you is significantly harder than had you kept it to yourself in the first place.
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Hi, I'm Katie - I'm a 30-something wife (to M), mom (to N), and daughter of the King. I love weddings and have been a not-so-casual observer for the last 10 years. It's my ultimate goal to make a bride's day as stress-free as possible. In turn, it usually means that her mom and dad are pretty stress-free, too (except when it comes to paying for the reception!)
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Photo by Dani White Photography.