Letters to Our (Future) Child, Part 3 // Monday Musings

Click here to view Letter 1.
Click here to view Letter 2.

Dear Little One,
The last few weeks have been strangely hard for me. I've watched countless couples - almost one every day! - announce that they are expecting a child. I am so excited for them, but my heart has begun to ache for you as well.

Let me be clear: I am not missing out on a thing. Not for one second do I wish you were coming to us in a different way. We have chosen to grow our family through adoption, and we know that each day brings us closer to meeting OUR little one, one day nearer to holding you in our arms. You are our child, the same way I am my parents' child, and the same way all these new babies belong to their moms and dads.

No, my heart aches because I can't yet see you to celebrate you. I can't watch you grow. I can't see your little eyes forming, or let a doctor measure how quickly your heart beats each minute. In fact, I can't even be sure that you are more than a thought in God's heart yet - you may not have even begun your life as we know it.

I wish I could know you from the very beginning. I wish I could marvel over pictures of you when you're only the size of a peach. I wish I could be there at the moment we find out if you're a girl or a boy.

And yet, you still belong to us. When you are finally here, I get to be there for every important moment, and for all the growing up you have to do as a child, adolescent, and adult. The first time you sit up, your first step, your first word. I get to teach you  how to eat real food, how to clap your hands to a song. I get to teach you about who God is.

So maybe it is hard right now to know that you may be growing and I don't get to see you until you're done. But the beauty of all this is that I get to be there for every big moment that you will remember. Though I'll start a few months later than most, I still get to be your mom for the rest of your life. And that's more than worth the wait. I love you.

Love,
Your (Future) Mommy

Today is the Day // Monday Musings

Today is the day.

It's the day we are officially on the waiting list for our little one. It's the day we've been waiting for since last September, when we sat at an information meeting for a few hours late one Tuesday night. It's the end of a road filled with paperwork and lots of waiting, and the beginning of another journey filled with even more waiting but a little more hope.

Over the last 6 months we've prayed and cried and laughed. We've wondered why things seemed to take so long, then been shocked when all of a sudden our home study was completed. We've grown together. We've been through so many life changes. (Read about them here and here) We went to a training and learned so much about the process, and about ourselves in this grand story of adoption.

Today feels a little surreal, because we've been waiting for so long. Yet I know that we have a winding road in front of us. I know that the waiting will seem even harder at times, and there will be disappointments along the way. What's most surreal, though, is imagining the end of this journey, which begins a whole new path of parenting when we first hold our little one in our arms.

I've poured more and more of my heart into adoption the last few months. Not just our adoption, but the stories that swirl around us every day. Talking about the process so openly has connected us with so many families - from those who know someone in the process to those just thinking about it. We've been blown away, humbled, and blessed by the response of people we've never even met who go out of their way to talk to us about this part in our lives.

Right now it seems so big, and so daunting, and so unreal. Yet I know in a few years, when we've settled down, I will (in some ways) be like every other mom. I'll have moments of utter panic, followed by times of joy as my child (or children?!) grows up. I imagine that we'll go through many of the same struggles that countless others have gone through before us, whether their child is biological or adopted.

At times like this, I get introspective. What will life look like in a year, or five years, or ten years? How many children will find their home inside of ours? What will our family look like? 

I know none of the answers to these questions, but I wait with a quiet excitement knowing that some day I will. I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for you, on the other side of the screen, reading this. I never want to forget the anticipation and hope in waiting. When it's been months and we haven't heard a thing, I want to remember that there are blessings in the before, during, and after. I don't want to wish away where I am now to jump to the next place we're going to be.

May patience, ever my most elusive virtue, find me during this new time of waiting. I know in my heart of hearts that the end of this journey will be well worth waiting for.

View more of our adoption story by clicking here.

Adoption Training with Bethany // Adoption

It feels so strange to realize we're coming down the home stretch with our home study, and all the steps we had to complete in order to just get on the waiting list for our new little Spady. We are so close now to getting everything ready that it's hard to believe. Last weekend, we finished one of our final steps in the process, as we traveled to Fredericksburg for a two-day training with Bethany Christian Services.

I really had no idea what to expect going into the training. I knew we would learn a lot and hear from some great speakers, but beyond that I didn't know what each day would look like and what we would walk away with. The first day was a solid, nine-hour day of intense learning. We heard from a lawyer on the legal process - everything from getting a Social Security number for our child to what impact the involvement of the birthmother's family might have on the adoption. We talked about openness with the birthmom after adoption (from emails, to calls, to possible visits) and got some great, practical parenting advice.

The first day was a lot of nitty gritty details. Nathan was absolutely wiped out afterwards because of the loads of information we got. I learned a lot that surprised me - for instance, the average age of a birthmom is 25! I just assumed most were teenagers and young girls who had gotten into a bad situation. It turns out that everyone from teens to young professionals, and even married couples, have made the tough decision to place their child in an adoptive family.

A huge thing I learned was just in the vocabulary. A lot of people (myself included!) use the term 'given up' when talking about the decision the birthmom made. This article explains the heart behind not saying that phrase, with all of its attached connotations. I've had to correct myself multiple times since the training, but I'm learning!

The second day was a breath of fresh air. We heard from a number of speakers, from an adult adoptee, to adoptive parents, and even listened to a birthmom talk about her experience. The amazing thing was that mom's child was adopted by a couple who came to speak as well - they even stood together and answered questions about how to maintain a successful relationship after the placement.

It's hard to condense 14+ hours of training into a blog post, and I'd love to tell you more about it if you have the time. Some big takeaways for me are:

• How big of a struggle it is for birthmoms to place their child, even years later. Their decision is courageous, difficult, and should be commended.
• It's not unlikely that we'll have at least one 'disappointment' - when the birthmom changes her mind before or after her child's birth. I'm still wrapping my head around that one, and prayerfully preparing for it happening.
• We need a network of support. It's been a beautiful thing to have friends along the journey ask about updates and praying for us. One thing I'd love to do is get more connected with other adoptive families and form a mutually encouraging relationship.
• Everybody's process is unique, and each experience will be completely different from another. There is no 'typical' scenario. I am praying that God will prepare our hearts to be flexible, even when the situation is not ideal or when the going gets tough.
• Adoption is a calling for me. I love the heart behind adoption. We are not rescuing babies or birthmoms, we are partnering with our Heavenly Father to raise the children He has placed with us to the best of our abilities.

Adoption is a tough, lengthy, and beautiful process, friends. Thanks for walking with me so far.