If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, or if you don’t know your number yet, do yourself a favor and head to this test to find out - it will be life-changing, I promise! In short, it’s a personality test based on different numbers (they’re not rankings!) that will tell you a lot about yourself, how you relate to others, and how others relate to you.
The first step for me was to find out my number, and from there I got Nathan to take the same test - y’all, it changed my marriage! I finally understood that some of his quirks aren’t just Nathan-isms, and many of them are shared by other people for the same core reason. It gave me more compassion towards him and a deeper understanding of what makes him tick and what makes him shut down.
For those who are curious, I am a 3 (The Achiever) and Nathan is a 5 (The Investigator). Here’s a little bit more about my personality, as the test I took explains:
”You want to be accomplished, dynamic, and a high-achiever; but most importantly, you want to be good at what you do and to look good while doing it. You are highly ambitious, driven, focused, and self-motivated. You are goal-oriented, and know where to direct your energy. You need goals and projects to achieve and feel the reward of completion and success. Under stress, you may become self-promoting, self-deceptive, or overly competitive. At your best, you are self-confident, positive, energetic and extremely productive.”
All of this - along with a lot of other traits - are so extremely true for me. I’m a highly motivated person (I know, I know…big surprise there!) who also struggles to not view myself just through the lens of my own accomplishments. I love productivity, and I love people almost as much. My downfalls are being too competitive and not being able to rest or ‘turn off’ when I need to.
As much as knowing this and exploring my Enneagram number have affected my personal life and my marriage, they have given valuable insight into my work ethic. A lot of entrepreneurs who I have related to have the same core motivations as myself, and it can be both a huge asset and a huge hurdle to overcome.
The upside is that I can be extremely self-disciplined. I don’t struggle with laziness or being unproductive, even though I provide almost all of my accountability. I am results-driven and can achieve a ton when I put my mind to it. I thrive on having a schedule, juggling a lot of different things at once, and keeping a very full schedule. I also love cheering other people on as they accomplish whatever their goals are, and my extroverted nature plays into this perfectly.
At the same time, the downside is I have often believed (even if I wouldn’t say it out loud) that my worth stems from what I do rather than who I am. When so much of my value is wrapped up in my work and to-do lists, having an off day, hour, or minute can be extremely frustrating, which explains my lack of patience in a lot of circumstances. It’s nearly impossible for me to slow down, and I am often exhausted from the fact that my mind NEVER stops - something I both love and loathe.
It’s easy for me to play off the negativity of my personality trait and secretly see them as a good thing, but I know my long-term mental, emotional, and even physical health will suffer if I attack everything with 110% all the time. It will leave me with less capacity to be kind towards my family, to take time for fun and refreshing activities, and to create space in my life to just enjoy who God made me to be, not just what He has given me to do.
So, since I am a goal-oriented person, my next task is this: to take real steps towards being the healthiest version of a productive, driven person that I can be in my business. This means that I…
1) Promise to celebrate victories and enjoy the moment instead of moving immediately onto the next thing.
2) Will strive to be content with what I am able to do, rather than just see all the things I could have done if I had more time/energy/money.
3) Need to be fully present in what I’m doing, even if the thing I am ‘doing’ is building my marriage or playing with Willow. These ‘tasks’ are just as productive (even more so!) in the long run, and they are vital not just to me but the people I love most.
4) Have to turn off my phone and computer at a certain point. Right now my cut-off time is 9:30pm, with some built-in flexibility so I don’t go overboard with the rules, because that is my tendency as well. Ideally, I’d like to be off my phone or computer for at least an hour around dinner and again at least an hour before bedtime. I’m taking slow steps toward this goal!
So what about you? I’d love to hear your Enneagram number - seriously, take the test if you haven’t already! - and how this affects your life. Once you find out, here are some awesome resources to help you discover how to be the best version of yourself, and give you a few laughs along the way!
