Titles Don't Make You Superheroes // Beyond the Big Day

Whether you were together for years before your wedding day, or just a few short months, one thing is for certain...You're marrying someone. You're choosing to spend your life with someone. You're VOWING to be everything to someONE. 

When I first started my planning business, it was right after my own wedding. I was obsessed with crafting and designing. I loved making things look pretty. So I carried that mind set on for a few more years throughout my business. "I don't plan ugly weddings." I honestly remember saying that to a bride. What was I thinking?! She was totally fine with it though because she did not want an ugly wedding. So we paired up as planner and bride. That was my mentality for the first two years of my business. "How can I improve these designs that these brides have and really turn it into a gorgeous wedding?" Im honestly ashamed that was my mindset for my business. 

You're probably thinking, "why is she so hard on herself? I mean, don't planners and designers do exactly what she just said?" The answer to that is a big, fat, ugly NO! 

As a newlywed , there were so many things that I wish people would have told me about. Warned me, I guess you could say. No one tells you about your first fight as a married couple. No one mentions that you have to sit through a conversation to let the other person speak. Why can't it be like it was before where I would do a really dramatic, 17 year old temper tantrum, slamming the door and then you chasing me down the street to come get me? Answer: because we are adults now. And because we are MARRIED. 

Marriage isn't a relationship status on your Facebook page. It's not wearing a ring because it's sparkly. Just putting a title on your relationship changes it. But it changes it all for the better. It's all about perspective. 

Going to the DMV to get your information changed shouldn't be viewed as a hassle or inconvenience. It's a blessing. You get to change your name because you chose, let me repeat, you CHOSE the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and now that means that changing your name is the indication to society that you two belong together. You're a pair. A family. It's your brand. 

You fight. Yes, you fight. Just because you're married now doesn't mean you don't argue with each other. Just because you're married now doesn't mean that the world is all butterflies and rainbows. Just because you're married now doesn't mean the expectations of your relationship should change so drastically overnight. Don't expect him to make you breakfast in bed just because he has the title of husband. And don't expect her to go get your car detailed because she's now your wife. Titles don't make you superheroes. Titles don't change you as a person so much that it completely changes your habits. Marriage isn't a magic wand that fixes relationships. Marriage is like Neosporin. It heals with time and care. 

The mentality that I have with my brides and my business now has changed so much over the years. It's not about how pretty the wedding is. It's not about how much you spent on flowers or uplighting. It's actually not about the wedding at all. I want to make sure that all of my couples worry more about their marriage and not just their wedding day. I genuinely want my couples to last. I don't want repeat clients in the sense that I'm planning a second wedding for someone. And I have to often remind my clients that the wedding day is one day...Marriage is a lifetime. 

So if there's anything that brides take away from here, I hope it's this: there will be highs and lows in your marriage. There will be fights. There will be crying. Marriage doesn't make everything perfect. And after all of your attention spent planning, wedding day blues will happen after the wedding is over. But it's okay. Just focus that attention on the next steps in your marriage. Take one day at a time. Just because you fight doesn't mean the marriage is over. The difference between a good marriage and a great one is how you react to the bad and how we praise the good. After all, our grandparents must have done something right. 

Click here to see more marriage advice from Beyond the Big Day. 

Beyond the Big Day // Pinch of Charm Weddings

Shay, an ABC Certified Wedding Planner, started her long time dream as a wedding consultant while planning her own wedding in 2009. She then realized she had a knack for staying calm in the midst of chaos. With a taste for all things magnificent mixed with a DIY look, Shay has perfected the talent of savvy-chic-budgeting. With her help, your wedding day is sure to take your guests breath away. After her wedding in 2009, Shay then pursued a career in event planning. While the Director of Events at the beautiful Chamberlin on Ft. Monroe, Shay planned more than 65 weddings, several conferences, luncheons and much more. While this opportunity gave Shay the know how when it came to planning high quality weddings, her position with Premier Bride Magazine as their sales and marketing manager gave her the in’s and out’s of new trends in the wedding industry.
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Maria Grace Photography

My name is Maria, and I am a wedding and family photographer based out of Hampton Roads, Virginia, but I am always excited about traveling. I love families who truly enjoy spending time with each other and living life together. I love couples that are looking forward to their wedding day because they are so excited to finally be married to.