Most of the time, I plan my blog posts well in advance. I have a pretty, color-coded calendar (helllllo Type A people!) with what's coming up, what I've written, and what still needs to be done. Sometimes, though, I need to break from a schedule to write about what's really going on.
So...some honesty today. Most of my blog posts are happy. Even the unhappy ones (like yesterday's) end with a positive note, a little uplifting word, or something encouraging. That's how I like it, and that's who I am. I don't like to be a complainer, and I don't like negativity. It drags us all down! At the same time, though, I think constant and unending positivity can gloss over what's really going on, and that's something I never want to do.
Today, I'm sick. My throat is on fire, and I'm pretty sure this is my third round of strep in the past 6-7 months. It always happens when I overwork myself, which is exactly what I've done the last few weeks. From workshops to a lot of sessions to general life business, once I get going it's hard to stop.
So here's some honesty today, and I hope it's refreshing, even if it's not a positive, happy, bubbly post. I love being an entrepreneur. I do. But the downside is this - even though I can spend every day on the couch drinking tea, I don't. Even though I can take breaks when I need them, I choose not to. Even when I do have a slower week, I worry about not working hard enough. And then sickness hits, and instead of taking a sick day, I'm sitting on the couch researching, writing, and working again.
I'm grateful that I can spend my days at home, pouring my heart into one of the things I cherish most. But in all honesty, it's not always an easy thing to do. Today is a hard day, not because my throat hurts or because I'm simply exhausted, but because it's a huge reality check that as much as I'd like to pretend I do, I don't have this thing figured out. I'm not great at spending my time wisely, and I'm terrible at taking a break. Over time, that leads to sickness, exhaustion, and burn out.
I need to be better at this, but I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll start today, cup of tea in my hand and blankets on my lap, throat on fire, with a call to the doctor I need to make (but don't want to because it hurts to talk). Maybe just being honest is the first step, and maybe it isn't. But if you ever have moments of jealousy, or thinking that working from home is where it's AT, just be thankful for what you have today, for a job that ends when you go home, and for sick leave that forces you not to work.
I say this without any ungratefulness in me, because this is the path I choose and love. Some days it's wonderful, and some days it's hard. I wouldn't trade it, not even for a minute, but here's a reminder of the difficult days and the struggles I face. I hope, above all else, that I'm not alone in this.
