Sick Day // Personal

Most of the time, I plan my blog posts well in advance. I have a pretty, color-coded calendar (helllllo Type A people!) with what's coming up, what I've written, and what still needs to be done. Sometimes, though, I need to break from a schedule to write about what's really going on. 

So...some honesty today. Most of my blog posts are happy. Even the unhappy ones (like yesterday's) end with a positive note, a little uplifting word, or something encouraging. That's how I like it, and that's who I am. I don't like to be a complainer, and I don't like negativity. It drags us all down! At the same time, though, I think constant and unending positivity can gloss over what's really going on, and that's something I never want to do.

Today, I'm sick. My throat is on fire, and I'm pretty sure this is my third round of strep in the past 6-7 months. It always happens when I overwork myself, which is exactly what I've done the last few weeks. From workshops to a lot of sessions to general life business, once I get going it's hard to stop.

So here's some honesty today, and I hope it's refreshing, even if it's not a positive, happy, bubbly post. I love being an entrepreneur. I do. But the downside is this - even though I can spend every day on the couch drinking tea, I don't. Even though I can take breaks when I need them, I choose not to. Even when I do have a slower week, I worry about not working hard enough. And then sickness hits, and instead of taking a sick day, I'm sitting on the couch researching, writing, and working again.

I'm grateful that I can spend my days at home, pouring my heart into one of the things I cherish most. But in all honesty, it's not always an easy thing to do. Today is a hard day, not because my throat hurts or because I'm simply exhausted, but because it's a huge reality check that as much as I'd like to pretend I do, I don't have this thing figured out. I'm not great at spending my time wisely, and I'm terrible at taking a break. Over time, that leads to sickness, exhaustion, and burn out.

I need to be better at this, but I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll start today, cup of tea in my hand and blankets on my lap, throat on fire, with a call to the doctor I need to make (but don't want to because it hurts to talk). Maybe just being honest is the first step, and maybe it isn't. But if you ever have moments of jealousy, or thinking that working from home is where it's AT, just be thankful for what you have today, for a job that ends when you go home, and for sick leave that forces you not to work.

I say this without any ungratefulness in me, because this is the path I choose and love. Some days it's wonderful, and some days it's hard. I wouldn't trade it, not even for a minute, but here's a reminder of the difficult days and the struggles I face. I hope, above all else, that I'm not alone in this.

For a Friend // Personal

Everyone needs encouragement. Monday, Friday, all during the week...there are times we just need to hear that we're doing ok. That we'll make it through this next tough time in our lives. That it won't always be so hard. This is a letter for each of you, and for your friends that need to know the same. If someone comes to your mind when reading this, send it to them - I promise they need it.

Dear Friend,
I've been watching you struggle in so many different ways over these last few months. I've seen the trials you've gone through. The momentary blips of happiness, followed by days and weeks of stormy clouds and high emotions. It isn't your fault. None of this is your fault, and that's what makes it even harder to see you go through it.

You're a fighter. You can endure. But you are getting weaker by the day, your resolve is slowly slipping as you wonder when this struggle will end. When it will be over. When you'll go back to feeling normal again, which right now seems so far off that you can't even remember what normal feels like. I've been there. We've all been there. But just because you're not alone doesn't make you feel any less lonely.

What I can say is that the clouds always lift. And when the sun comes out, you might look a little different than you did before. You've been through a long winter, and it's not without scars. You may not leave unscathed, but you will walk away from it one day. You'll look back one day and remember the good things - the beautiful things - that came out of the hard times. You'll remember the tears, and all the heartache, but over time these things slowly fade away.

That's the beauty in pain. It's so real in the moment, but when it leaves we'll never feel that same pain again. Sure, we can remember that we had tough moments, but our feelings will never take us back to that dark place. Memories last longer than emotions, and when you've finally made it out on the other side, you'll never feel that same darkness again.

I know that doesn't fix what you're going through. I know you're not magically going to feel better - and right now, that's ok. If I can just spark a little glimmer of hope in you, though, that is enough for today. Tomorrow might be better, and it might be harder. But let the hope of what's coming give you the strength to get up, face your day, and know within your heart of hearts that this isn't the end of your story.

There's so much more for you, sweet friend. So much more life to live. So much more joy to be had. And it's just beyond the ever dark and cloudy horizon. Hold on to the hope of the first ray of sunlight bursting through the storm. It's coming, friend. It'll be here before you know it.