Many blogs are difficult for me to write (see a couple here and here), but this one is surprisingly easy. The idea came after I spent a weekend with family talking about life, motherhood, and what I've learned along the way. The road has been surprisingly easy, even if the newborn phase was hard in a lot of ways, and I am truly thankful for the little girl sleeping ever so sweetly upstairs right now. She has rocked my world in the best way.
The thing about any transition - whether moving, a new job, or marriage is that it can bring out the best and the worst in a person. Transitions are difficult. They make us rise to the challenge and reveal where we struggle to face what lies ahead. My biggest transition of the last year has been becoming a mom. In just 7 short months I have made countless mistakes and in the spirit of honesty - and showing that a beautiful life doesn't mean everything is easy - I wanted to share my biggest mistake today.
I could say that my biggest mistake is thinking that one day is indicative of the future. For a long time Willow struggled to eat solids (and I had a very good reason that I won't share here for trying to continue instead of taking a break) and it was the most stressful thing in my life. I kept thinking she would never switch, and I became more panicky by the day. This may seem ridiculous, and I promise it makes sense based on what's best for her, but it was hard to believe that just because she said no today didn't mean she would say no forever. I finally did the thing I should have done in the first place, wrote it in my new prayer journal, and prayed. Whatever you believe, she literally started eating the next day and has been doing well ever since. Present success and failures do not always indicate what's coming next.
This, however, is not my biggest mistake. I could also reflect and say that trying to maintain control is my biggest area of weakness. This happens in ALL facets of life. I love having the illusion of control, from my schedule to what happens in my business to everything in between. Having a child doesn't change the control you have, but it quickly reveals how wrong you were to think you had it in the first place. I have struggled with frustration when Willow doesn't meet my expectations or things feel out of control.
When I really look at these two weaknesses and so much more I have seen in myself, though, I can confidently say that my BIGGEST mistake is not trusting God on a day-to-day basis. I am someone who has a lot of faith. I pray for the big things and sometimes God answers yes. I have lived out my faith and seen literal miracles happen before my eyes. But then, in the weeds of each day, taking care of a newborn or trying to run my business while splitting my time, I forget. I forget that He is good and that He has been in control. I forget that I could not have created the story He has written for me, but it is better than I could have imagined. I act like He cares more about the big things and less about the little details of my life.
The truth is, it shouldn't be hard to trust Him - and yet I find myself acting like I don't every single day. When things feel out of control, when the day is completely flipped on its head, I often behave like it all depends on me and I need to fix it. I don't. Instead, I can trust Him - in motherhood, in marriage, in business, and in every area of my life. If you are struggling, avoid my biggest mistake as a mom...and as a person: trust God. He continually takes care of me, Willow, and Nathan, and He will do the same for you if you let Him.