This has been one of those weeks that's a huge reminder of my humanity. It's been a sobering week, not because of anything bad that happened to me, but because of so many things happening to other people. It's been a week that's made me take a step back and wonder if I'm focusing on the right things, if I'm making a big deal out of little nothings, and if I'm truly spending my energy in the best possible way.
Among several other events, I attended a funeral for a sweet former coworker this past week. The preacher who spoke said something so profound - that regardless of what he said, this dear lady had already preached her own funeral in the way she lived her life. Her service to others was second to none, and she constantly poured out love without expecting it in return. She had preached her funeral throughout her whole life.
That, among a whole swirl of other events, is making me step back and question myself. Am I preaching my own funeral in a way that I will be proud of? Am I spending my energy and time focusing on the best things, or just good things? Or even things that are a waste of my time? Do I spend more time looking at others' faults, or seeking a way to give them grace and mercy when they mess up?
It hurts a little to ask all of this, because it seems more often than not that I'm failing in all of these areas. Rather than appreciating the people and things around me, I spend so much time looking at the negativity of every scenario. It somehow takes more energy for me to be positive about good things than negative about the one little thing that didn't work out quite how I wanted to.
So this week, and for the foreseeable future, I'm striving to be different. I'm praying my heart will change and that I will begin to spend more time being thankful and less time looking at the flaws in my own and in others' lives. It's hard to be honest with myself because I usually come up short, but I'm grateful for the chance to try again tomorrow. And that's all we can do - rest on the grace of God, ask for forgiveness, and try again tomorrow.
Happy Sunday, friends.
