prayer

The Messiest Answered Prayers of 2018 | Personal

The Messiest Answered Prayers of 2018 | Personal

When I thought about sharing the highlights of 2018, I knew I would share my favorite engagements, family portraits, and weddings…but I realized last year was also about so much more than just photography. Last year was the year I rediscovered prayer and began to dig into what it means in my life and the lives of those around me. It was a journey (still ongoing) that brought me to many highs and many lows, and since I’ve shared so much along the way I wanted to come full circle.

The truth is, I had a LOT of prayers answered. Prayers I never thought I would pray. Prayers I have prayed for a long time. Prayers that seemed impossible. Quick, almost thoughtless prayers that I know God still hears regardless. But the other thing about prayer is that the answer is so often not what we imagine. Even when I thought I had imagined every possible scenario, I realized later that He is far more creative than I am, which is good and sometimes a little painful. I could talk for hours on all the answered prayers from last year, but here are some of the best (and messiest) answers to what I asked God to do…

Finding My Voice (in Prayer) | Personal

Finding My Voice (in Prayer) | Personal

pressing moments of the day or even random thoughts that happen to distract me. When that happens and I realize I'm no longer praying but simply thinking about things big and small, I often get frustrated and discouraged. After all, I am firmly convinced it is one of the most important things in my life, so how could I get off-track so quickly?!

In view of that, I actually started praying that I would 'get better' at praying…

Try Again Tomorrow // Personal

This has been one of those weeks that's a huge reminder of my humanity. It's been a sobering week, not because of anything bad that happened to me, but because of so many things happening to other people. It's been a week that's made me take a step back and wonder if I'm focusing on the right things, if I'm making a big deal out of little nothings, and if I'm truly spending my energy in the best possible way.

Among several other events, I attended a funeral for a sweet former coworker this past week. The preacher who spoke said something so profound - that regardless of what he said, this dear lady had already preached her own funeral in the way she lived her life. Her service to others was second to none, and she constantly poured out love without expecting it in return. She had preached her funeral throughout her whole life.

That, among a whole swirl of other events, is making me step back and question myself. Am I preaching my own funeral in a way that I will be proud of? Am I spending my energy and time focusing on the best things, or just good things? Or even things that are a waste of my time? Do I spend more time looking at others' faults, or seeking a way to give them grace and mercy when they mess up?

It hurts a little to ask all of this, because it seems more often than not that I'm failing in all of these areas. Rather than appreciating the people and things around me, I spend so much time looking at the negativity of every scenario. It somehow takes more energy for me to be positive about good things than negative about the one little thing that didn't work out quite how I wanted to.

So this week, and for the foreseeable future, I'm striving to be different. I'm praying my heart will change and that I will begin to spend more time being thankful and less time looking at the flaws in my own and in others' lives. It's hard to be honest with myself because I usually come up short, but I'm grateful for the chance to try again tomorrow. And that's all we can do - rest on the grace of God, ask for forgiveness, and try again tomorrow.

Happy Sunday, friends.