Well, it’s finally happening. I’m staring down the last year of my 20s, fairly unsure of how exactly I got here and what comes next. The first few years of this decade in my life held more than I could have imagined - it started with a wedding over 9 years ago, moved into a several-year tenure of working for a non-profit, then changed drastically when we lost Joel and I quit my full-time job to pursue wedding photography.
The worst birthday of my life was when I turned 25. I was still deep in the midst of grief from losing our first adopted child, and I had had dreams of being a mom by this point in life…dreams that were made very real when Joel’s mom chose us to be his parents. All of that was gone, and I had no idea where I would go next. I woke up that morning and cried in bed for awhile before I stood up to face the world. Then I walked into the place I had worked for 5 years, a place I had loved for the first few years until so much had changed, and I turned in my two weeks’ notice. It was a strange and awful day with a tremor of excitement beneath. I’ve never felt so sure of a decision in my life while being completely unsure of what would come in the future.
I think it was then that I started to dread turning 30. I envisioned a failed business, an empty nursery, and returning to drudgery in the working world. I saw myself getting older, slower, and floundering about with little purpose.
It turns out that I was very, very wrong.
The last few years of my life have had their fair share of heartache, but I can’t help but be amazed at the fact that I’m sitting in a beautiful coworking space I get to visit every day (shout out to Gather!), with my two-year-old daughter at a school she loves, my husband at a job he loves while he pursues his master’s degree, still working for myself in a whole new business. My body has more aches and pains, but I can only blame that on training hard for a marathon that I’m going to run faster than I ever envisioned (provided nothing catastrophic happens in the next two weeks). I have confidence in myself and my business, and that sense of assurance comes from a much stronger faith in God, who has walked me through a very complicated journey full of ups-and-downs.
I no longer dread my 30s, and 29 just seems like a stepping stone to the next big thing. I have so much life left to live, and I’m excited to walk into my purpose, however that may look. My life is not perfect, but it is beautiful even on the messiest of days.
I can’t help but remember fondly the 24-year-old girl who was hiding in a room, crying, because the job that I used to love, one that I thought I would keep for a decade to come, changed in the blink of an eye in ways I never saw coming. That day, Nathan held me while I wiped tears from my cheeks and somehow, through the despair I felt, I whispered to him that I knew this would be the best thing to ever happen to me…because in that moment, I knew I would leave and never look back.
It turns out that I was very, very right.
So here’s to 29 and beyond…I think I am more ready than ever before.
