I knew before I became a mom that when and if the time ever came, it would be a huge adjustment for me. And it has been! It's one I'm incredibly grateful for, because it is already teaching me to be less selfish, more loving, and more attentive to the needs of others rather than myself. But any transition is difficult, and any change can be painful. Over the last month I've been thinking about the kind of mom I want to be, and here's what I have realized...
I want to be the kind of mom who puts my relationship with God first. Before gym time, before 'me' time, and even before family time...I forever want to model to Willow what's most important in life.
I want to be the kind of mom who doesn't get frustrated when my to do list has to be thrown out the window for a sick baby, or one who just needs to be held more on a given day. And when I do get frustrated (because Lord knows this has already happened!), I want to be the kind of mom who picks herself up, asks for forgiveness, and moves forward without guilt. Each day and each moment is new.
I want to be the kind of mom who does not have her identity wrapped up in being a mom...or a wife, or anything else. I love Willow with all my heart. I love her more than I thought I could love another human being. But I am so much more than her mom. I was a complete person before she came and I am still the same...just with a different life and priority list than before. I want to stay my own individual so that when she does one day leave the house I don't feel lost without her.
I want to be the kind of mom who graciously invites people into my home. Even when it's messy. Even when it's inconvenient. I want family and friends to be a huge part of Willow's life from now until forever.
I want to be the kind of mom who cherishes each moment, not waiting for the next achievement or accomplishment. I want to enjoy where I'm at and not wish the present time away.
I want to be the kind of mom who raises my daughter to fly free, to love God fully, and to follow His will even when it's scary. I don't want Willow to feel tied down to my plan or ideas for her life.
The theme of this all is that I want to be the kind of mom who has her priorities in order: God first, then family, then everything else. When these priorities get mixed up, I want to get back on track. I want to live out of love and not guilt, strength and joy and not fear. I want to embrace life fully and teach Willow to do the same.
That's the kind of mom I want to be.