As I think throughout the week, with every day passing, about what I should write each Sunday, I struggle back and forth. What is going to be interesting to those who read it? What is going on with me? How do I stay honest to myself while captivating someone else? If I write because I have to, I hate it and everyone else does, too. If I write because I feel, that's when I am the most proud of my work - regardless of how many read it.
Some weeks I struggle because I know what I SHOULD write about, but I don't want to. Two weeks ago I wrote about my semi New Years resolution - and let's just say I am still drinking caffeine every day! Fail. But I'd rather be honest through and through than try to pretend I have it all together.
And that's where today comes in. My biggest prayer at the beginning of this year is for God to give me patience. Patience for myself. Patience for my husband. Patience for my friends. Patience for all those people who can't seem to drive as well as I can ;) I don't even want to admit that I'm praying for this, because I think I do a good job at hiding it to most people, when I'm really crawling out of my skin because _________________ took 10 minutes longer than it was supposed to.
But I've seen patience as one of the biggest stumbling blocks to my joy. I put myself and everyone else on a timeline and if any of us doesn't meet that expectation, I get incredibly frustrated instead of rolling with the punches, or being grateful for the time I have. I think leading a busy life makes me impatient - that's not an excuse, because it's still a fault of mine, but it explains why I've gotten less patient over time.
I've come to see the beauty in waiting, though. I've seen so many friends and family wait and wait for a child, and the beauty that comes when a new baby is added to their lives. I've seen the joy and pride I've had in my own successes - I'm not an overnight sensation or anything close, and that makes me appreciate the victories all the more. I've seen the beauty in the fact that my husband is so patient with me he let me scour through every single mug in the store we went to to find the one with the fewest blemishes.
I'm so not there yet. I'm not even close. I desire to be so much more patient than I am. To let things go, to let go of my schedule, to just be in the moment. And most of the time, I see the ugly side of waiting far more than the side that says "the best is yet to come." This post is painful to write because usually I write about the great! happy! exciting! amazing! parts of life, and for me, this is not one of them.
So go with me on this journey, to see the beauty in waiting for things or people or traffic or everything else. If you have any practical advice for me, let me know! I am forever thankful for those who are far more patient with me than I am with them, and I hope and pray that one day, I will join in the ranks of everyone who has looked at me with a kind smile and said, "Don't rush, I'm not in a hurry."
Happy Sunday everyone!