Turning 24 // Personal

I absolutely love my birthday. I love it. It's one of my favorite days of the whole year, and I always look forward to celebrating in a new and different way. Last year, Nathan rented a Dodge Ram 1500 that we drove around the whole day, since I've always wanted to own a big truck. This year, we're going to dinner and then a cooking class together. It's always an adventure to figure out what we're going to do, since we're not that into buying big gifts for each other.

When it comes to my birthday, though, it often feels a little anticlimactic. My story is that I graduated high school at the age of 17, and graduated college, bought a house, and got married before my 20th birthday. Yesterday marked my 4 year anniversary of working at a full time job, just two days after I turned 24. So in a lot of ways, I feel so much older than I am. A lot of people my age are just a couple years out from college, or even still working on their master's degree. While it was totally my choice to graduate college and get married so young, I often feel much older than my years.

I blogged a few weeks ago about my business goals, but I have some personal goals that I hope to reach by the time I am one year older. Some are personal, and some are big dreams, but I think the first step is saying them out loud...so here I go!

• I blogged about this Monday, but I want to find a good work/life balance...whatever that means for our family.
• My big word this year is Patience. As a very impatient person, I want to slow down, not stay so busy, and learn to give others the patience they so often give to me.
• I want to take a few cooking classes. Our first one is this week, but cooking is my other creative outlet, and I would love to learn the more technical side of cooking, baking, knife skills, or anything else.
• I've realized how important it is to take more time to read the Bible. I am good at reading it daily, but not so good at choosing to pick it up when I have more free time. I want to turn less to watching TV or surfing the web, and more to doing things that enrich my soul and bring me closer to God.
• I want to regularly volunteer. The last few years have been about growing my business, and I think in a lot of ways not serving others has made me selfish. My time has been limited, but I want to be intentional in seeing beyond my own needs this year.
• I hope to become a mom this year - that's my big dream. I have no control over this, since we don't know the timeline of bringing our little one home, but it's definitely a big possibility!

So here's to 24, and all the hope and excitement that a birthday and a new year brings. What are you hoping to accomplish this year, personally or in your business? Leave a comment below and we'll cheer each other on!

Letters to Our (Future) Child // Personal

Dear Little One,
It honestly feels strange to call you that, since I don't know how little you are. In fact, you might not even have taken your first breath yet. I'm writing to you because I have these thoughts swirling around in my head that I've had for weeks now, and I want to get them out for you to read when you are much, much older.

It was a few weeks ago that I started thinking of you by name. No, I don't know if you are a boy or girl yet, but we are prepared for either one, and I don't care what you are! Everytime I think of our life together, I envision a girl, but your daddy envisions a boy. Either way, we just want YOU, whoever you are, boy or girl. When I started thinking of you by name, though, things changed.

I've thought of you for years now. Ever since I spent a summer working at Door of Hope in South Africa, I've known that I would be on a journey to bring you home one day. I've known for years that there's someone out there waiting for me to get them, even though you probably aren't even born yet. There's a certain calling that comes with being a mom, I believe, and I've known since I was 18 years old that I was called to be your mom.

I feel like I know you, even though I don't yet know anything about you. And I can't wait to find out who you are - what you like to eat, your favorite color, your first word. While I'm waiting for everything to happen, I just imagine that you are being made perfectly for your dad and me. That's what keeps me going as we faced our first round of delays this week.

Yes, we are 'behind schedule' (which you'll find out is a place I hate to be). Yes, it's not exactly what we planned, and it will probably change a million times between now and the time we get you. But either way, I have peace knowing that it's you we're getting. Whether we wait now or later, it doesn't matter. You are made for us, and we are made for you.

So, just get ready. Get ready for us. We feel so ready for you. And we can't wait to meet you someday soon.

Love,
Your (Future) Mom

Try Again Tomorrow // Personal

This has been one of those weeks that's a huge reminder of my humanity. It's been a sobering week, not because of anything bad that happened to me, but because of so many things happening to other people. It's been a week that's made me take a step back and wonder if I'm focusing on the right things, if I'm making a big deal out of little nothings, and if I'm truly spending my energy in the best possible way.

Among several other events, I attended a funeral for a sweet former coworker this past week. The preacher who spoke said something so profound - that regardless of what he said, this dear lady had already preached her own funeral in the way she lived her life. Her service to others was second to none, and she constantly poured out love without expecting it in return. She had preached her funeral throughout her whole life.

That, among a whole swirl of other events, is making me step back and question myself. Am I preaching my own funeral in a way that I will be proud of? Am I spending my energy and time focusing on the best things, or just good things? Or even things that are a waste of my time? Do I spend more time looking at others' faults, or seeking a way to give them grace and mercy when they mess up?

It hurts a little to ask all of this, because it seems more often than not that I'm failing in all of these areas. Rather than appreciating the people and things around me, I spend so much time looking at the negativity of every scenario. It somehow takes more energy for me to be positive about good things than negative about the one little thing that didn't work out quite how I wanted to.

So this week, and for the foreseeable future, I'm striving to be different. I'm praying my heart will change and that I will begin to spend more time being thankful and less time looking at the flaws in my own and in others' lives. It's hard to be honest with myself because I usually come up short, but I'm grateful for the chance to try again tomorrow. And that's all we can do - rest on the grace of God, ask for forgiveness, and try again tomorrow.

Happy Sunday, friends.