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It's Not Up to Me

It's Not Up to Me

Like a lot of people, I struggle with guilt. Being a wife, business owner, parent, or even just a human being brings up all kinds of emotions. I think about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens’ a lot, and I often take on burdens I was never made to bear. For me, this has particularly happened when I began life as a mother just two years ago. I felt guilty when I worked instead of playing with Willow. I felt guilty when I felt like I was neglecting my business. I struggled when I dropped her off at YMCA childcare to try and work, and I felt even worse when I lost my temper towards her because I had to get something done and her needs interfered with mine.

From the first day I called Nathan in tears because I felt like I couldn’t handle having a baby and a business, he suggested we look into daycare options. I stubbornly refused. Part of the reason is because I wanted to own a business so that I could work from home and spend more time with my kids. Part of the reason is because with adoption, early bonding is crucial to having a safe and loving home environment for a child who experienced trauma at too early of an age…

Letting Life Overtake Work | Monday Musings

Letting Life Overtake Work | Monday Musings

I stress out about a lot of things I probably shouldn't worry over. I am sure a few of you can relate...and if not, please tell me your secret! One of my biggest stressors (even if that's not a word) this year has been, honestly, my perception of myself. Going full-time in photography has been nothing short of wonderful - I would never in a million years have dreamed that I was cut out for it, but this life is perfect for me. I can work from the couch or my standing desk. I can start work early or take time off in the afternoon when I have evening hours. I can visit family when I have destination engagement sessions like this past weekend in at the Trump Winery in Charlottesville.

Yet what stresses me out is not my work, but how much work I have. Sometimes I am busy from sun up to sundown hustling, sending emails, updating social media, photographing clients, and taking care of my daily duties. Other days I wake up with a fairly short to-do list and a weird feeling that I should always be busy no matter what. That if I do not fill an 8 or 9 hour day with work on my business, I am doing something wrong...