WAHM

It's Not Up to Me

It's Not Up to Me

Like a lot of people, I struggle with guilt. Being a wife, business owner, parent, or even just a human being brings up all kinds of emotions. I think about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens’ a lot, and I often take on burdens I was never made to bear. For me, this has particularly happened when I began life as a mother just two years ago. I felt guilty when I worked instead of playing with Willow. I felt guilty when I felt like I was neglecting my business. I struggled when I dropped her off at YMCA childcare to try and work, and I felt even worse when I lost my temper towards her because I had to get something done and her needs interfered with mine.

From the first day I called Nathan in tears because I felt like I couldn’t handle having a baby and a business, he suggested we look into daycare options. I stubbornly refused. Part of the reason is because I wanted to own a business so that I could work from home and spend more time with my kids. Part of the reason is because with adoption, early bonding is crucial to having a safe and loving home environment for a child who experienced trauma at too early of an age…